Busting the Myth of Separateness

Written by: -Michelle E. Diago

Before we jump into marriages and relationships I must share something with you in the spirit of full disclosure.  I’ve been on a pretty intense spiritual journey.  The kind that changes the trajectory of your entire life and lies at the heart of my desire to serve others.  This experience has had such a profound impact on my life and my marriage that I knew it needed to be one of the first things I shared with all of you.  Some of it is pretty “heavy,” but I believe it’s the, “meat and potatoes,” that draws people together and I want you to see me on day one for who I truly am.  So here it goes!

    I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and I share this with you because it has been an integral part of where I’ve been in my life and more importantly where I am going.  In fact, this is the first time I have publicly shared that I am a survivor (I’m letting it marinate for a minute, but so far it doesn’t feel so bad!) so I thank you for bearing witness to this step in my own personal evolution.  So, why do I feel the need to tell you this?  Because my abuse tormented my life, my happiness and my relationships for decades.  I’ve spent much of my life with low self-esteem, an inability to trust and in a continual state of depression.  Simply put, I was so busy fearing life that I wasted years not actually living it.  As an adolescent, I had been blessed with great athletic ability, wonderful learning opportunities and numerous blessings.  When I became an adult, I found an amazing husband, I inherited 3 beautiful children and by all accounts led a, “well-adjusted,” life.  But secretly I was dying inside.  Some days were a struggle just to make it through the motions of marriage, motherhood and my career.  What was worse was that I knew full well that I was a prisoner to my own past.  Yet nothing I tried brought me salvation.  And then it all changed…

    I reached a point in my life that I could no longer carry the weight of this burden.  It was as if I had picked up a rock, every day for the last 25+ years until one day I turned around and realized that this mountain was no longer mine to climb.  There had to be a better way.  I didn’t know what that way was or how it would come about but a voice inside of me urged me to begin again.  Through a remarkable series of people and events my life drastically changed within a matter of months.  I couldn’t be more sincere when I tell you that once I finally made the decision to surrender my abuse, my pain and all my years of suffering over to God and simply ask for a miracle everything around me began to conspire in my favor.  It was as if all this love and energy had been waiting for me for years but I held on so tightly to my victimization that I had nowhere to receive the blessings that were right in front of me.  In the days, weeks and months since I made this shift in my life I have devoted myself to my faith, to meditation and to every possibility that awaits me.  It’s something I practice every day.  Some days I stumble, some days I am a rock star and exude love and peace.  Bust most days are spent in what I consider to be the, “thick of things.”  The process by which extraordinary change is possible.  The process that guides you into a higher vibrational existence and opens you up to creative possibilities, to love and to light.  I share this with you because one of my first, “a-ha,” moments in this spiritual journey spoke directly to my marriage and the way I approached my husband.

    As little girls, we are conditioned to believe that some ONE will come along one day and complete us.  They will be the yin to our yang.  They will bring all the qualities that we lack into our lives and give us complete happiness, love and acceptance.  In my case, I wanted someone whose presence in my life would somehow heal me and my past.  Let me be the first to tell you ladies that that is one big, heaping, steaming pile of you…know…what.  Not because life is cruel and prince-charming and fairytales don’t exist.  It’s false because it undermines one of the most basic truths about every single human being.  And that is that we are wholly and wonderfully made in His image which has no lack, no sin and no separateness.  All our senses lead us to believe that we are separate individuals leading separate lives searching desperately for interconnection.  And yet our truth, our spirit has no boundaries.  How can there be separateness when we are all an idea in the mind of God?  How can another mortal form complete us when the fabric of who we are is already pure, eternal and whole?

    As we begin to dive into issues surrounding marriage and relationships it is an absolute necessity that each of you embrace your wholeness from this moment forward. There is nothing within you that needs completion or “fixing,” nor is that the purpose of having intimate relationships or otherwise.  Every relationship that you have during your life is an assignment.  It’s part of a greater curriculum that is highly specialized for you and your life not to fill a void but to bridge your human experience with your Truth.  There is nothing your partner can give you that you don’t already have deep within you my friend.  Every ounce of strength, every moment of profound wisdom, every answer that you seek lies within you.  Just like an acorn is hardwired to grow into a tree, a rose bud into a blossom and a single cell into a human being you have within you the blueprint to become a joyous and peaceful person and partner.

    Over the next couple of weeks, I challenge each of you to acknowledge and celebrate your wholeness whether it be through words of affirmation, daily prayer or even just considering the possibility that a different way exists.  Know with every fiber of your being that your spirit, your truth is perfect.  My spiritual journey has empowered me to approach my marriage from a completely different point of view.  It’s given me a strength and wisdom that wasn’t there before and it has manifested so many miracles in my relationship as it will surely do for you and yours.  Whatever your path has been up until this point in your life and in your marriage, know that you are held by God.  Next time we’ll discuss how you can begin manifesting your Truth and how that one small shift can make a huge impact on your relationship.  Until then…the love in me salutes the love in you.  

                                                                                                                                                                                                 

LWC Writer Kendra White

Kendra White 

Hey Y’all my name is Kendra White. I am a true southern lady who is Kentucky raised and Jesus saved. I am a wife, mom, daughter, and friend. I adore my family, and I love to laugh. I love HGTV, and I still haven’t forgiven my husband for canceling cable. I am an avid Kentucky basketball fan and will plan my calendar around all games. I married an NFL football fan and now speak fluent Red Zone, and of course I love any sport my kids play. I believe that in Heaven next to the lands of milk and honey will be Diet Dr. Pepper flowing, it is how I stay hydrated! Most importantly I love Jesus, and have since the seasoned age of 9, and promise I could out sing you any day in a hymn sing off (Do those exist? They totally should!)

I graduated from Asbury University which is nestled outside of Lexington, Kentucky. The town is a total college town and has only 2 stop lights. It feels like a real-life Mayberry. I graduated with a degree in Christian Education and then went on to be a Children’s Pastor at one of the largest churches in Kentucky. Teaching others that the Bible is living and active is my greatest passion in life.

While in college I got a wild hair to leave the mother land of Kentucky and head to the wide-open spaces of Colorado (or maybe I just listened to too much Dixie Chicks), and I applied to the Focus on the Family Institute. That’s right, this was the school run by Dr. Dobson where you go to learn all you need to know about marriage, parenting, and tools for life. I was accepted there the summer between my Junior and Senior year, plus I was getting college credit for all the “learning” I was doing. 82 students were accepted that summer, 70 girls, 12 boys. Adventure awaited as I was about to leave horse country in exchange for the majestic mountain country of Colorado. What I didn’t know was that God had something in store that summer that would forever change my life.

There was the boy, he was (and is) oh so handsome. He took over the ice breaker games and his leadership skills had me all hot and bothered. During church, we had to hold hands to pray, after the “amen” I didn’t let go, I couldn’t. This boy he was from a faraway land one I had only ever heard not so nice things about, THE NORTH, well technically Minneapolis, MN, but that was a far cry from the mother land. But love, love can do funny things to a person. So, after 2 years of talking hours daily on the phone, numerous flights, one flat tire in Chicago, he gave up all he had ever known and moved to Kentucky. Six weeks later he got down on one knee on the playground where I played as a child and asked me to be his wife, and emphatically I said yes!

13.5 years later we have a marriage that is so far from perfect that we have to fight for it daily but we do it because we love God first and each other second. We have an amazing 10 year old son John Hunter who brings us so much joy in all he does. We have a 5 year old daughter Lynley who lights ups a room with her smile if she stops talking long enough to flash it. About 2 years ago we moved to that 2 stop light college town where I went to school in Wilmore, KY after living 8 years in Indianapolis. It was a bit of a culture shock but we have grown to love it. We can usually be found most weekends pulling the fold up wagon full of Gatorade and boxed candy from one sporting event to another as we watch our kids play. When we aren’t at the fields we love to travel or in our backyard at the pool hosting parties or opening our home as a resting place for families to get real with each other and find peace.

 Most days I am just doing my best to survive this thing called life. I’m certain if you ever stopped by the house the laundry would be still be in the washer from a few days ago, my latest Pinterest project would be strung across my studio, guaranteed my sons baseball cup would be out in the open, my daughter will have her 1.3 million dolls or collection of something lined up somewhere and my husband, well he will either be working or playing video games, but we will all be glad you stopped by. We are by no means perfect, and we will never want you think we are, but we will always be honest, transparent and real (maybe too real), and will have some yummy eats for you! So please stop on by we’d love to have ya!

LWC Writer Susan Waldron

Susan Waldron 

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Why did God led me to my husband? 

I met my husband after a horrible relationship that could have led to disaster.  When I look back on that year, I pause and thank God.  Of course, I didn't have a relationship with him then, I just knew he was there and a small voice was speaking to me daily.  

Today, I am a happily married wife to my Hubs, as I affectionately call him.  We were married in October of 1996.  That's right, almost 21 years.  We have two girls, Abby will be 19 in August and El just turned 12.  We have always loved each other and for years I held on to that as a beacon.  I sometimes didn't like his choices, but I had to keep remembering our vows.

In 2005, Hurricane Katrina placed 6 feet of water into our New Orleans East area home.  We luckily evacuated the Saturday before the storm struck. Once again, it was that small voice speaking to me.  Later in our marriage, I heard that small voice, but by then we were relocated to a small town 1.5 hours south west of New Orleans. We reconnected with some of my Hubs cousins and they invited us to attend their church.  What an eye opener is was for us to feel the Holy Spirit surround us and feel so much peace in one day. 

We joined the church and on our 12th anniversary we had our marriage blessed in the Baptist church.  It was such a thrilling moment in our walk with The Lord.  From that day on, I felt the Holy Spirit fulfill me with the love of Christ.  It all clicked for me.  It was our Lord, speaking to me in the small voice.  It was such an uplifting feeling of peace.  

See below Susan's Personal website and learn how you can support her business!!!

Susan C Waldron

Tupperware Unit Manager
Susan's Fantastic Plastics
Galaxy Stars Organization

http://www.susanhoumala.my.tupperware.com

LWC Writer Patricia Hooper

Patricia Hooper 

“ Patricia, Trish, Patty, Patsy, P, Patty-kins, PattyAnne, PattiHoop, Honey, Babes, Mommy, Mom, and Baby Girl ” names that I have answered to by co-workers, friends and family for over 50 years. The name given to me by my Heavenly Father for over 30 years is Princess and Daughter of the Most High! My other coveted name is that of wife, a title that I have held with honor for over 28 years.

 My husband Dwayne has made it easy for me, his motto for our marriage is ‘happy wife, happy life’.  He is my covering, protector, lover, financier, best friend and my servant-leader! Because he loves me as Christ loves the church, I have no hesitation whatsoever to submit to him as head of our household.

Dwayne and I are involved in a couple of ministries at our church—we are co-facilitators of the pre-marital counseling class and head up the marriage ministry. I also work with the high school teenage girls in a group called God’s Princesses.

We have been blessed with 3 beautiful children, now young adults. Dewayne, affectionately known as DJ, a 2013 United States Naval Academy graduate, is a naval aviator with the United States Navy. DJ recently (one month ago) married the love of his life Katie, a veterinary student and animal lover.   Clarke, my only girl, is a track star and honors education major at Mt. St. Mary’s University. Last but not least is my youngest, Grant Christian, a plebe/freshman at the United States Naval Academy.  

Over the 28 years, Dwayne and I have experienced a miscarriage, two premature births, pregnancy complications, loss of both set of parents, a cancer diagnosis, health issues and challenges. Overall, we have had more good days than bad days, but through each trial, our relationship with each other has strengthened, but most importantly, our relationship with our Heavenly Father and our faith has grown exponentially  with each circumstance. I am so ever thankful that the Lord gave me the greatest partner to battle life’s storms with and celebrate sunny days.

I mentioned my kids earlier in my introduction, stating that my youngest just went off to college, which means we are now empty nesters, how fun and exciting…NOT!  Instead of me dwelling on how sad I will be without my kids, the Lord has been tugging at me to draw closer to HIM in prayer and devotion and embrace this new season instead of being sad.   My new normal or new season is that of an empty nester--me and Mr. Hooper, back to where the Hooper Family all began; I call this season ‘The Best is Yet to Come’.

My blog will minister to married women in this season.  I will share how sweet this new season should be in our relationship with the Lord and with our husbands. Tears of sadness will turn into shouts of praises as we experience ‘The Best is Yet to Come’.

LWC Writer Angela Garcia

Angela Garcia 

Hello, my name is Angela I am 26 years old I was born and raised in Texas. I met my husband three years ago after leaving a bad relationship. Neither one of us were looking for a relationship but ended up falling in love pretty quickly. We have been married a little over two month now and I could not be more thankful for this amazing God fearing man. We have an amazing curly headed little princess that keeps us on our toes but we could not imagine life without her. 

LWC Writer Saviela Edwards Thorne

Saviela Edwards Thorne

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Click picture above for link of her book

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My name is Saviela Edwards Thorne from South Carolina. I am a devoted Christian and wife to a wonderful man of God who is a drummer and teacher of the Gospel. We married on December 10, 2011 exactly one year from the day we started dating. We do not have children yet but are believing God for our miracle baby. I had a miscarriage back in 2013 and almost lost my life because of an ectopic pregnancy. Even though I didn’t birth a baby, I did birth my purpose of writing. The very first published article I wrote was, “Life After a Miscarriage”. My life has completely changed since then; I have written over 30 articles which are highlighted in my first published book, “Seasons of a Woman’s Life: Devotionals to Empower Women to Become Overcomers” with a Foreword by Joann Rosario Condrey. It’s currently available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble. I have God all the glory! If it wasn’t for God having His hand upon my life I would not be here today. My prayer is to encourage each and every woman and wife through my personal experiences and many seasons of my life.

If you want to connect with Saviela - Please email luvelywivesclub@gmail.com 

Luvely Wives Club - Guest Writers

Click Picture to read more about each writers in the weeks to come See our website for the dates of each writer's post!!! Thanks for checking out our Blog at Luvely Wives Club 

LWC Featured Writer - Michelle Diago

Hi there!  My name is Michelle and I am truly honored to be a part of the Luvely Wives Club!  I knew this community was the place for me the moment Luvely and I exchanged emails.  Just a week prior to our meeting I had confided in a close friend of mine that I wanted to, “reach,” other couples.  After having been through some pretty unique experiences in my own marriage and faith I felt for quite some time, a desire to share a sense of hope, faith and positivity with other women.  Literally within a matter of days of sharing this with my friend, I stumbled upon The Luvely Wives Club and knew that God had answered my prayers to serve.

I am 36 years old and a mother to five children.  Our oldest three (Luke, Evan and Maddie) are from my husband’s first marriage and then we have our two youngest kids, Jackson and Grace.  Our oldest son will be turning 17 in the fall and our youngest daughter Grace just turned 2 in March.  So, as you can see we have a diverse age range and a blended family which has surely kept things interesting over the years!  My husband and I have been married for five years and together for ten.  Larry and I moved in with each other after just 2 weeks of dating and from that moment on our adventure together hasn’t stopped.  We have had some amazing highs and anguishing lows but through it all we’ve remained best friends and it has made all the difference.  I can’t wait to share more of our story with you in the coming weeks!

Ever since I was a young girl, writing has always been a passion of mine.  There’s something magical about stringing together the English language in ways that can stir emotion in others, even amongst strangers.  A single sentence can inspire heartwarming laughter, give thoughtful pause or draw tears from the soul.  Writing today, in a world that is dominated largely by texts, tweets and emails is like a vintage art to me.  Meaningful writing, the kind that binds us together as strong, beautiful and fiercely Guided women, simply never goes out of style.  God has given to each of us a unique gift, designed to be shared in the service of others so that we may rise to our highest levels of human experience.  My hope is that my gift can be used to help each of you discover yours so that it may be shared within your marriages, your relationships and in your greater lives. 

In my spare time I enjoy working out, reading too many books at one time (I am currently reading 4 different ones) and convincing our youngest kids that getting a dog would not be a scary thing.  I am currently writing a book entitled, “Through the Darkness,” and eventually plan to travel the country as a motivational speaker and author.  My husband and I live in South Jersey (don’t ask me how a girl born in Puerto Rico ends up living in Jersey!) and love exploring new restaurants and new experiences. But I still consider the, “south,” my home as I spent most of my adolescence growing up in Florida.  I hope this gives you a little glimpse into who I am and I look forward to connecting with you more in my next post.    Until then…the love in me salutes the love in you.  

Click here to view Michelle's page